Archive for the ‘spoofs’ Category

Dinky-do and Boobie-do

Posted: January 20, 2013 in spoofs
Tags: , , ,

“There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing is sacred.” –Roger the Shrubber-

Warning: graphic images…

A few years ago I met a nurse who coined the phrase “dinky-do disease”. I’ve since expanded it to include boobie-do disease. Bear with me; I’ve been wanting to write this post for quite some time, and after I read a status update from Tony (the anti-jared) in which he stated that he was happy to be able to see a certain part of his body again, I became re-inspired.

Many of us guys are either currently suffering from dinky-do disease, know someone who is suffering, or have suffered ourselves and are now on the mend. I don’t want to say ‘cured’, simply because it is an ongoing process, and not just something that you are able to walk away from. Same thing applies to the ladies with boobie-do disease.

Granted, there are some who are born with a distinct….disadvantage (?), and are therefore excluded from the diagnoses. What on EARTH (the ONLY planet not named after a God, btw) am I talking about????

Ok, here are the definitions:

Dinky-do disease occurs when your belly sticks out farther (further?) than your dinky-do. (Caveat here is that the diagnosis CANNOT be made immediately after exiting a cold shower, pool, river, etc.)

Boobie-do disease is the diagnosis when your belly sticks out further

(farther?) than your boobies do.

Seriously. Take a look down, next time you are in the shower. Do you suffer from either one (can’t be both, really….)? If so, are you presently, ACTIVELY, taking steps to rid yourself of the disease?

If not, WHY not? Do you need direction? Do you need motivational emails? Do you need….what? “Help me help YOU” –J. McGuire- Really. How can I help? How can WE, your online and IRL friends, help? We’re here for you. For us.

Help eradicate dinky-do and booby-do diseases. You’ll be glad you did.

Simple as that.

Sometimes, I just can’t help myself. A good friend and collegue of mine is applying to RN school (she’s an LPN). Since she’s a great nurse and is looking to go to my Alma Mater, I thought I would try to help her out and write a letter of recommendation for her. I share with you one version of the letter I will be handing her this morning:

Dear Admissions Counselor:

When Jennifer FLIBBIDY-FLOO told me that she was applying to the VTC RN program, I leaped at the chance to write a letter of recommendation for her.

I have known Jennifer for nearly 4 years while working with her at the VA Medical Center in White River Junction, and let me tell you, those have been some crazy years!

One of the first times that I interacted with Star (as she likes to be called) was right after she came back from a few days off during the summer. You know that she’s fair skinned, right? Well, let’s just say that she spent a bit TOO MUCH time out in the sun without adequate sun screen. Yea. Who DOES that these days?? Lemme tell ya, she was as red as the carpet at the Oscars! She tried to laugh it off, but her face started to crack and peel when she did, so we just left it at that.

Then there was the time when…well, I probably shouldn’t write that one down. Never mind. Moving on…

Recently she had trouble getting her motorcycle started, so I tried to help get her “badass” rig rolling. In doing so, I inadvertently broke one of the decorative panels on the side of her bike. Holy Good God in Heaven. You’d have thought that I said bad things about her horse! She took that broken piece from me and began to beat on my head and shoulders so hard that, as a result of my reconstructive surgeries, I now need to carry a notarized letter of explanation from my doctor whenever I travel by airplane. That Jenny, she’s a FIRECRACKER!

I almost feel the need to go on about how she’s not afraid to use her down time to go into unoccupied patient rooms to work-out, but that might not paint a good picture. I think I’ve said enough already.

It is without hesitation that I whole-heartedly endorse Jennifer FLIBBIDY-FLOO’s acceptance into your RN-ADN program. Please feel free to contact me directly if you have any further questions.

Sincerely,

Gene Soboleski, RN

Nursing Informatics Coordinator

Veterans’ Health Administration